The Florida Soapbox

2007-01-21T12:32:00.000-08:00

NEW EPISODE OF THE PODCAST IS OUT

The Florida Soapbox #59, 01/21/2007. In this episode: Hillary Clinton throws hat into Presidential race; Bush talks about health care; US 'allies' funding US enemies in Somalia; missiles found on Lebanese-Syrian border; Japan takes another step toward re-armament. Plus, Charlie the Conservative Chipmunk talks about Iraq the troop surge and we have another Beer Review. 27 minutes.

LISTEN/DOWNLOAD HERE

2006-10-27T12:15:00.000-07:00

NEW EPISODE OF THE PODCAST!

The Florida Soapbox #53, 10/26/2006

In this episode: Australian Muslim leader makes controversial remarks about women; Bush not happy with the course of the disastrous war he himself started; Bolivia proposed as candidate for UN Security Council seat; protests against the School of the Americas. Also, Beer Reviews, some bloopers and Charlie The Conservative Chipmunk drops by to talk about the growing influence of Hispanics in the United States. 30:40.

LISTEN/DOWNLOAD HERE!

2006-10-12T07:55:00.000-07:00

New episode of the Florida Soapbox

The Florida Soapbox #51, 10/12/2006. In this episode: North Korea threatens U.S.; Nestle threatens British workers; new study reveals 645,000 dead because of Iraq War; U.S. companies sending employees to India for health care. Plus, Charlie The Conservative Chipmunk gives his opinion on Social Security and Bill begins a new section, "Beer Reviews". 29:45.

Listen/Download HERE!

2006-10-05T08:43:00.000-07:00

Little Known Facts

1. FDR was behind World War II all the way. He wanted
a pretext to stay in the White House for more than two terms,
so he secretly groomed an Austrian mental patient, later to
be known as Adolf Hitler, to take over Germany and eventually
start World War II. FDR also gave the Japanese secret
information and plans for the Pearl Harbor attack. On
December 7th, FDR reportedly told his White House Chief of
Staff: "Looks like those Japs came through for me after all.
Ha-Ha-Ha-Haaa!!"

2. The REAL U.S. Constitution has never been made public.
The one we all know is a fake, and the real Consititution
is hidden in a crypt under Blair House in Washington, DC.
Some of the amendments found in the REAL Constitution
include the 23rd amendement, which requires at least one
squirrel to sit on the Supreme Court and the 38th Amendment,
which bans Portuguese beer. Also, the real 1st amendment
doesn't mention freedom of speech at all, but is actually
nothing more than a couple of paragraphs of pornographic
limericks.

3. Here's something indirectly NASA-related: the powdered
drink TANG is actually made of a mixture of ground-up
lemon rinds, chalk and arsenic.

4. When Catholic priests drink the sacramental wine
during Mass and say "This is the blood of Christ",
they're not speaking symbolically. They actually
are drinking real blood, extracted from the freshly
killed corpses of homeless people which are kept in
the basements of all Catholic churches.

2006-09-15T10:49:00.000-07:00

Karl Rove Brainstorm

Karl sits in his luxury cave in the eastern Appalachian mountains,
in front of his computer, with a blank MS Word document staring him
in the face. Blank, that is, except for one phrase at the top. It
said: "Strategies For Defeating Liberals".

It's been a bad year for Karl's gang of criminals, better known
as the GOP, for whom he serves as political strategist. The
War in Iraq is going horribly. Bush makes an ass out of himself
more and more every day. Republicans in Congress keep getting
caught with their hands in the lobbyist cookie jar. Karl is
just fresh out of ideas. How do you effectively
smear people who have good, common-sense ideas? He used
to be able to do it so well...dammit!! He needs some good
ideas, now! It's already almost September. The mid-term
elections are around the corner.

Think, Rove, think!! Aha! He starts typing..."Say Demorats want
Al-Qaeda to win because of Iraq War opposition". But, wait...
Bush just said a few days ago Iraq wasn't responsible for 9/11,
which it is presumed Al Qaeda was, so how do you connect
anit-war with being for Al-Qae...Wait! Karl corrects himself...
he just caught himself thinking logically. Logic!

"I can't be thinking like that if I'm going to do this right!"

Okay, second point. "Link being pro-choice with wanting to
kill babies and drink their blood". Brilliant. Santorum will love
this one. Hmmm. How about..."Universal health care will
lead to mass outbreaks of disease...". Karl keeps typing
whatever comes into his head: "Ebola outbreaks...lines
at hospitals...doctors will flee country...no, wait...doctors
commit mass suicide...America=Soviet Union...".

Karl suddenly remembers he has to write up some ideas
and talking points for George Allen's Senate campaign in
Virginia. He comes up with some good ones..."need to
reintroduce segregation...try not to use word 'macaca'...
need find gentle way to make people support concentration
camps for blacks latinos muslims etc...)

He keeps happily tapping away at his computer, confident
he's gotten his groove back.

2006-09-14T13:51:00.000-07:00

The Florida Soapbox #48, 09/14/06. In this episode: Bill talks about 9/11 and the book Bullshit Artist, we chat with Jeff of GOP Exposed about religion. Also, we introduce a new feature, our very own super-computer, the Truth-A-Tron. Plus, promos for The Unimpressed Corps, Citizen Against Lies and Bruno and The Professor.

http://flasoapbox.podomatic.com

2006-09-09T16:44:00.000-07:00

The Florida Soapox #47, 09/07/06. In this episode: As we approach
the 5th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, Bill interviews author
Ron Schalow about his book Bullshit Artist: The 9/11 Leadership
Myth, in which the President's appalling lack of leadership on
that fateful day is carefully examined. Also in the news:
Bush admits existence of secret CIA prisons, Tony Blair to
leave 10 Downing Street by May 2007?, More Israelis falling
into poverty while money for war is always available, Castro
reportedly recovering quickly and GOP faces pressure on
issues this election year. 32:56, 15 MBs.

http://flasoapbox.podomatic.com

2006-09-08T07:24:00.000-07:00

An Evening In The Life of Ann Coulter
by Bill

The door opens into the penthouse Manhattan apartment of
conservative hack Ann Coulter. She shambles into the dark,
empty apartment, worn out after another nerve-wracking round
of appearances on several cable news shows. She seems so
confident on TV, but in reality the anxiety of her empty,
wasted life eats away at her, even as she spouts her glib,
hateful ideas in front of accomodating talk show hosts.

Despite her image as a “blond bombshell” she well knows
her days as any kind of a sex symbol are long over. As
she saunters into the bathroom to remove the 3-inch
thick layer of makeup that cakes her corpse-like face,
she sees staring back at her in the mirror a bitter, angry
old hag with a protruding Adam’s Apple and lines around
her mouth from her constant sneering.

Ann walks into the kitchen to get the only thing that
can dull the pain of her phony, useless life: liquor.
As she pours herself a glass of whiskey (no mixer or
even any ice) she wonders, for the one millionth time:
Why am I so lonely? Why doesn’t anyone like me?
So much money and fame, and yet so alone. She starts
sobbing, as she often does at this point of the
evening. It seems to have become a nightly ritual.

She decides to cheer herself up by trying to think of
new callous, half-baked things to write in her
increasingly unpopular syndicated column. “How
about…”, she muses excitedly, “…wouldn’t it be
funny if someone gunned down Hillary? Haw, haw,
haw!!” or…she strains to form a thought…”I know!”,
she exclaims. “Muslims are flithy animals, we
need to put them in the zoo! Haw, haw haw!!!”.

But her good mood dissipates once again, as she
is haunted by the frequent thought of how she
will never find a man who doesn’t dump her
after two dates, how she’ll never have children
or any real friends. She finally breaks down crying
again when she is hit with the thought–the same
one with which she ends so many evenings–
of how she’ll die alone, a bitter old hag no one
ever loved.

She stumbles in a drunken stupor to her empty
king size bed, where she passes out, a half-full
glass of Jack Daniels falling out of her hand onto
the floor next to the bed…the rank brown liquid
seeping into the bedroom carpet, turning into a
stain as dark as her soul.

2006-09-08T07:06:00.000-07:00

Modern life 'biggest health fear' (BBC)

The fast pace of modern life is the biggest health
worry, a survey says. The public cited lack of exercise,
lack of sleep, fatigue and stress in their top five concerns
with passive smoking and drinking much lower down the chart.

Two-thirds of women, compared with 58% of men cited
lifestyle factors, the poll of more than 5,000 people
by Legal and General revealed.

Public health experts said the results reflected the
pressures of the 24/7 society that now existed.

MORE http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/2/hi/health/5325182.stm

2006-09-04T15:33:00.000-07:00

Why The Elites Fear Hugo Chavez

A few weeks ago, The Wall Street Journal, in an op-ed piece, called Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez “a threat to world peace”. Just what is about Chavez that scares the hell out of the rich, powerful and imperialistic? I have a few ideas.

First, he has used Venezuela’s considerable oil wealth (largely increased by the meteoric rise in the price of crude over the last 2-3 years) in part to better the conditions of Venezuela’s legions of landless poor. He has instituted badly needed social programs so that the country’s tiny, rich white elite aren’t the only ones with access to a decent education and health care. Chavez has also shown great solidarity with some of his Latin American neighbors such as Ecuador, Argentina and Bolivia, helping to set Latin America on a path of independence from international banking and multinationals.

But he has committed other great sins: he has worked together with (gasp!) Fidel Castro to bring highly-trained Cuban doctors to Venezuela. He has opened dialogues with countries like Iran and North Korea. He calls a spade a spade (he has referred to Bush as a “donkey” and an “assassin”, among other hard-to-translate Spanish insults). His worst crime, though, has been to show that a government geared towards the needs of people-–all people– is better than one run for the benefit of business elites. He is setting agood example for the rest of Latin America, and the right-wingers in Washington cannot let that be. The fact that leftist Evo Morales got elected President in Bolivia signals to the elites that “the rot” is spreading already.

Back in ‘02, the Bush administration tried to help overthow Chavez and failed. The U.S. government has repeatedly attempted–and sometimes succeeded–in blocking foreign arms sales to Venezuela. The country has been added to the State Deptartment’s list of nations that “don’t cooperate” in fighting “terrorism”. Pat Robertson openly wished for Chavez’s assassination. Mr. Chavez is hardly an angel, of course. He has a flair for often ridiculous drama and it is obvious that he has a large ego. Sometimes he says and does some rather strange things. But I’m willing to forgive that; I prefer to look at the bigger picture.

The Wall Street Journal is correct in saying Chavez threatens world peace, because to the business elites The Journal represents, “world peace” means the control of the world’s resources by a tiny minority of the super-rich, the undermining of genuine democracy, the hegemony of multinational corporations and banks over national economies and the flow of capital from the rich to the poor.

If that is peace, I’ll take war.

-Bill

The Florida Soapbox

http://flasoapbox.podomatic.com

2006-09-03T20:10:00.000-07:00

O'Reilly The Pervert
by Bill A.

Bill, a well-known right-wing talk show host, pauses in front of the porno theatre. He looks to each side to make sure no one sees him enter the seedy, Times Square porn emporium. He adjusts his hat, ties the strap around his trenchcoat and, licking his lips, abandons the balmysummer night in favor of the air conditioned sleaziness of the theater. He's upset it's come to this; since he was slapped with a huge sexual harrassment lawsuit by a female producer on his show (which he hadto settle for millions of dollars), he's had to limit his perversions to more private mediums. And this is hardly private--for the most parthe's had to indulge his sexual manias locked in his basement athome, were he keeps most of his S & M defecation tapes--but it'sa good middle ground. He's out in public--which turns him on--buthe's disguised, so it's somewhat private and, he hopes, safe.

If someone recognizes him at this place, he's done for. Everyone will know for sure that he's a hypocrite that rails on TV against immorality,"liberals" and sleaze, and yet doesn't hesitate to enjoy the same things he accuses others of enjoying. Bill looks at the offerings in the theater after he buys his ticket.There are three screens. One is playing "Crack Whore Blowout". Next to it, "Orgy In The Caribbean". And lastly, "Fisting for Dollars". He picks the Caribbean one. He wanders into the dark room,shambling around in the darkness. His shoes stick to the floor; hetries not to think about what makes them stick. Bill sits down and begins staring intently at the movie. He opens his trenchcoat and gets readyfor action. His hat? Hmmm. Why not, it's dark, who'd recognize him here? He takes it off.

Five minutes in, he notices some guy walking by his aisle, apparently leaving the movie. The guy keeps staring at him. Uh-oh. Then the worst happens.

"Hey, you're Bill O'Reilly!! I'm a big fan!" the man yells so loudeveryone can hear.
About a dozen patrons turn around andstart staring at the now no longer
anonymous talk show host.
"Shut up!"
The man continues, oblivious at Bill's mortification."I love your show man! You tell it like it is! Fox News is..."

Bill pushes the man aside and runs towards the exit. In his rush, he forgets his hat. As he runs out to the street several people spot him. He realizes to his horror people are now pointing at him and some ask if that's who they think it is. Not onlythat, but in the commotion, he forgot to zip and button his pants. He tries to hail a cab, but no taxi will stop for the agitated-looking man in his 50's, with his pants halfway down his crotch. In desperation, he takes off running down 42nd Street. Eventuallyhe is able to make it to his apartment.

The next day, his porno theater visit is all over the New York newspapers.The headlines say things like "The No-Wank Zone", "Cheap Thrill Bill", and "Bill O'Porno". The next day, he is found dead in his apartmentof an apparent drug overdose.

2006-09-03T18:09:00.000-07:00

Welcome to The Florida Soapbox Blog!

This blog is a spin-off of my podcast, The Florida Soapbox, which I started doing when I was living in Orlando, Florida. I am now in Dallas, Texas, but the name remains the same.

As with the podcast, the blog will deal mostly with politics, news and current affairs from a left-wing viewpoint, with some other stuff thrown in.

Check out the podcast at http://flasoapbox.podomatic.com